We have fallen behind. At least a month has gone missing--maybe more. It's not a strange thing to happen when you find yourself in Los Angeles--especially in Echo Park--being welcomed by the many warm arms of the cult known as The Sons and Daughters of The Earth(a very loose veil covering their real name).
There are details that must, for the moment, be spared as concerning this chunk of missing time. The welcoming ceremony, for sure, must be omitted; as for the rest, it will come out soon enough in a book entitled, simply, "Sons and Daughters of The Earth." I will provide an excerpt of the first chapter(Track 1) of this book in another minute or two.
Before I do so, I would like to mention that for all of the things I must refrain from saying presently, there is one thing that cannot be put off any longer--the best poem I saw in the fast life of the floating world:
The rain from the night before had carried into the next afternoon. Outside of a cafe, there was a small group of young folks drinking whiskey and water out of styrofoam cups, discussing the different ways of romanticizing their own lives. As talk of handjobs behind dumpsters and other sordid business arose, an old Filipino man came walking very slowly around the corner. He was hunched over in his wool suit, further than a man in good health should be, and he held his umbrella, inexplicably, under his arm; the rain could be seen matting his hair to his head, and dripping through the thick, dark creases in his face and on his neck. He was walking slow enough to see each and every drop. For twenty minutes he stayed in view, in motion, crossing the street at a snail's pace to eventually get to the bus stop. And when he finally arrived, it was in perfect sync with the arrival of the bus. It pulled to the curb and stopped. He nearly crawled up the steps and paid the driver. Then all at once, the bus began moving, carrying the old Filipino man out of sight, back in the direction he had come.
At this, someone at the table, in between sips from their styrofoam cup, said very quietly, "We're all trying to get back to the place where we've come." The remark was heard, but not commented on. It was clear to everyone present that the party who had spoken was either intoxicated or heartbroken--either could be easily ignored. But they all internalized it anyway. They thought about the places where they wished they could go back to; they daydreamed about walking out of the dark back to their homes; and they all whispered to their loved ones in their heads, "Yes, I've been drinking a lot. But I never did those things you thought I did. Let me come back to you someday. Please, keep the light on." Surely, they all must have been both a little intoxicated and heartbroken--what young person in America isn't?
Sons and Daughters of The Earth
(To be released as an audiobook, on vinyl, sometime after my return to LA in the fall. Stay tuned for details on the fundraiser/live event, donation opportunities, and possible involvement in different aspects of the project itself.)
TRACK 1
Partially hidden away on a residential street in Echo Park in California, nestled behind another home at an unnamed 1/2 address on Lone Shore Ave., at the bottom of a steeply graded empty lot where coyotes graze at night, there is a house growing from the side of a giant avocado tree. And in this treehouse there once lived the "cult"--though more accurately described as a family--known as The Sons and Daughters of The Earth. They were a mix-up of 100 different species at least, consisting of your basics, such as your dogs, your cats, your turtles, your squirrels, your birds, etc., along with your more exotic types, such as your lions, your sex panthers(they do exist), your monkeys, your koalas, a single wolf that was said to be domesticated, and they were all men and women too(save for that bastard wolf), who lived together as a family until just two weeks ago to the day when they met their bizarre and untimely deaths.
The house is no longer occupied by anything representative of a family. Those who have heard rumors of the demise of The Sons and Daughters of The Earth and who have ventured into the neighborhood to attempt a glance at the place where they once lived have failed terribly at this because they cannot get through. The property is sanctioned off by investigators who at this moment still haunt the grounds, looking through every nook and cranny of the home in search of some sort of tangible clue as to why, some sort of logical explanation for their extraordinary rise and sudden fall.
//
Quickly: thank you to everyone in LA who supported me in all of the different ways that a person can be supported--I love you; also, thank you to everyone in Kerrville, Tx. who helped me through my kidnapping and assisted me in arriving safely in Colorado--I love you as well.
Ave Maria,
Benjamin Font
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
En Route No. 3
What happened on the journey from Monterey, Ca. to Los Angeles(Reading No Drinking in Fast-Motion?)
I wanted to be completely sober when I arrived at Union Station in LA because the old friend who would be picking me up had known me last as a very young drunk in Lincoln, Nebraska(where we first met ten years ago) and I wanted it to be clear that I had changed--mostly. So I drank nothing but water on the train, which washed down my graciously hand-packed ham sandwiches, bananas, pistachios, cheese crackers, pickles, fig newtons, and tim tams(I was truly carrying all that with me). Once I got there, and we hugged each other, then we could drink.
Between my several meals, which I spaced out considerably well over the ten hours of traveling, I became anxious(that's what happens without a nip of booze) for internal movement, something more significant to me alone, something indelibly my own. I got the idea of going into the observation car for my(the?) first reading in fast-motion. I would go into the observation car and ask a few of the folks if they'd be interested in a little entertainment--something short, sweet. I would stand on the side of the car where behind me the ocean could be seen and I would read. It may have been entrapment with the type of folks that were on this train, in this car, being that they were the too kind type, the type that can't say no, the type that will suffer through anything with a smile on their face--the type of folks who were cooing out the window, "ah, man, look at that there--ain't it beautiful?" They would have to listen then; they would be forced to listen, out of politeness if nothing else. And they would end up liking me. They would even buy my books. It's not like I would be a rich man from the sales, but at least I would be my own man, and perhaps a little richer for the experience?
What actually happened after I got the idea and went into the observation car is that I got very self-conscious and opted to sit down and stare out the window like the rest of the folks, only instead of saying it out loud, I thought to myself, "ah, man--it's beautiful." And it happened that the position I sat in was next to an Indian looking girl of thirteen who had a noticeable mustache that her parents had probably refused to let her wax at such a young age--but she would do it later on, once she was out of the house. She was certainly a self-aware little girl, and a little girl who was bold enough to strike up conversation with me. "This your first time on a train?" she inquired of me. She went on to tell me about her own experience riding on trains, which was extensive. She talked about her family in the next car. She had a notebook in her lap and had been writing in it. I asked her about the notebook. As it turned out, this girl was a "writer" too. A prolific one at that--she had already written seven books(mainly science fiction).
Naturally, I told this little girl that I was a writer as well, and told her all about the Reading (and Drinking) in Slow-Motion tour. She was fascinated(and I'm not being vain), and wanted my advice on a number of subjects. I continued to stare out the window as she spoke, not to intentionally avoid her gaze, but to intentionally avoid gazing at her mustache(I'm so sorry if you're reading this!)--I didn't want to embarrass her. Out the window opposite the ocean she pointed to a couple of deer, a fox(supposedly), and some cows. She continued to talk about her books, her inspirations, her secrets that she kept from her family--not to say that she disclosed these secrets to me(thank god), but she spoke of the idea of these secrets. She claimed to have gone so far as to have created her own language so that if anyone picked up one of her notebooks they would be lost as to what they meant. All little girls have their own languages.
It seemed preposterous to me that I should be sitting next to this thirteen year old girl, but I was extremely glad to have sat next to her. I've never been in the position of a mentor--though this was temporary--and the responsibility made me feel honorable, good. Regardless, I felt that our dialogue had run its course--in this day and age one must be careful about how much time they spend with a young girl or boy, especially when holding a copy of a book called, "God's Fool"(Julien Green's respectable biography, or life and times, of St. Francis of Assisi)--and I told her I was headed back to my seat now. I was thinking about another of my small meals. And just as I was about to leave she told me to wait, quickly tearing out the corner of one of her notebook pages; she wrote something on this torn corner of a page and handed it to me. Written on the paper was her name, her contact information, and underneath it, "aspiring author." I stuck it in my pocket and went back to my seat. Then I ate half of a ham sandwich, a handful of cheese crackers, and a banana, and felt content.
I wanted to be completely sober when I arrived at Union Station in LA because the old friend who would be picking me up had known me last as a very young drunk in Lincoln, Nebraska(where we first met ten years ago) and I wanted it to be clear that I had changed--mostly. So I drank nothing but water on the train, which washed down my graciously hand-packed ham sandwiches, bananas, pistachios, cheese crackers, pickles, fig newtons, and tim tams(I was truly carrying all that with me). Once I got there, and we hugged each other, then we could drink.
Between my several meals, which I spaced out considerably well over the ten hours of traveling, I became anxious(that's what happens without a nip of booze) for internal movement, something more significant to me alone, something indelibly my own. I got the idea of going into the observation car for my(the?) first reading in fast-motion. I would go into the observation car and ask a few of the folks if they'd be interested in a little entertainment--something short, sweet. I would stand on the side of the car where behind me the ocean could be seen and I would read. It may have been entrapment with the type of folks that were on this train, in this car, being that they were the too kind type, the type that can't say no, the type that will suffer through anything with a smile on their face--the type of folks who were cooing out the window, "ah, man, look at that there--ain't it beautiful?" They would have to listen then; they would be forced to listen, out of politeness if nothing else. And they would end up liking me. They would even buy my books. It's not like I would be a rich man from the sales, but at least I would be my own man, and perhaps a little richer for the experience?
What actually happened after I got the idea and went into the observation car is that I got very self-conscious and opted to sit down and stare out the window like the rest of the folks, only instead of saying it out loud, I thought to myself, "ah, man--it's beautiful." And it happened that the position I sat in was next to an Indian looking girl of thirteen who had a noticeable mustache that her parents had probably refused to let her wax at such a young age--but she would do it later on, once she was out of the house. She was certainly a self-aware little girl, and a little girl who was bold enough to strike up conversation with me. "This your first time on a train?" she inquired of me. She went on to tell me about her own experience riding on trains, which was extensive. She talked about her family in the next car. She had a notebook in her lap and had been writing in it. I asked her about the notebook. As it turned out, this girl was a "writer" too. A prolific one at that--she had already written seven books(mainly science fiction).
Naturally, I told this little girl that I was a writer as well, and told her all about the Reading (and Drinking) in Slow-Motion tour. She was fascinated(and I'm not being vain), and wanted my advice on a number of subjects. I continued to stare out the window as she spoke, not to intentionally avoid her gaze, but to intentionally avoid gazing at her mustache(I'm so sorry if you're reading this!)--I didn't want to embarrass her. Out the window opposite the ocean she pointed to a couple of deer, a fox(supposedly), and some cows. She continued to talk about her books, her inspirations, her secrets that she kept from her family--not to say that she disclosed these secrets to me(thank god), but she spoke of the idea of these secrets. She claimed to have gone so far as to have created her own language so that if anyone picked up one of her notebooks they would be lost as to what they meant. All little girls have their own languages.
It seemed preposterous to me that I should be sitting next to this thirteen year old girl, but I was extremely glad to have sat next to her. I've never been in the position of a mentor--though this was temporary--and the responsibility made me feel honorable, good. Regardless, I felt that our dialogue had run its course--in this day and age one must be careful about how much time they spend with a young girl or boy, especially when holding a copy of a book called, "God's Fool"(Julien Green's respectable biography, or life and times, of St. Francis of Assisi)--and I told her I was headed back to my seat now. I was thinking about another of my small meals. And just as I was about to leave she told me to wait, quickly tearing out the corner of one of her notebook pages; she wrote something on this torn corner of a page and handed it to me. Written on the paper was her name, her contact information, and underneath it, "aspiring author." I stuck it in my pocket and went back to my seat. Then I ate half of a ham sandwich, a handful of cheese crackers, and a banana, and felt content.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Good Times and Destitution
As concerning some of the time spent in Monterey, Ca. and more Reading and Drinking in Slow-Motion.
I.
Monterey("[the] bad habit, [the] memory, [the] nightmare"--my old, loving transfiguration of that famous "Row") is a place where, by accident, by the sheer probability of small town circumstance, you will see everyone you do or don't want to, like the inadvertent conjuring of ghosts in the pillow-laid head of a person nearing sleep. This trip was no exception to that statement.
In spite of a certain book(the one quoted above), which was considered offensive by many of my friends and family members at the time of its "release"(can you say that about self-published [adjective for the style/subject matter of my then work?), I was received well in Monterey. My arrival came with an Easter basket and several pitchers of mimosas(a tasteful omission is being made here of a revelatory talk of which the end result, I'd like to think, was the soothing of "family matters" and a heightened sense of kinship--aye, best pal?) and my departure with a bag full of goodies that kept my blood sugar steady on my train ride to LA.
In between these delicious treats, though, there was the path from Pacific Grove(where I was staying) and Monterey, which served as the collision course for imminent meetings of Person 1(a good, old friend who I had not spoken to for some time, yet immediately fell in step with to the nearest bar for beers and catching up), Person 2(an encounter I was dreading--for good reason; it made me feel like hell to recall certain casual observations made of them(without good reason I sometimes think) in the past--but who called my name amiably, hugged me, and bade me farewell with a "god bless you, and peace be with you"), and Person 3(a staple "sighting" in the town of Monterey, and a person who I was surprised to have not seen more of--a great guy). Then there was the sushi restaurant where I saw Person 4(who I am always happy to see, and who prepared--he's the sushi chef at the restaurant--and paid for a wonderful meal, which I would like to formally thank him for), and, of course, the old haunt at East Village Cafe where I, of course, again, ran into Persons 5-12(all of which were expected and pleasant--no, better than pleasant, "better than expected": right and good).
Fittingly, yes, I showed up in Monterey with very little announcement and I saw everyone; we had a good time, we enjoyed ourselves.
II.
With that in consideration, it came as no surprise to me that the reading at East Village was attended and books were sold. The folks there, being that they were friends of mine, set aside the lounge area for me with seats that I probably would not fill(and didn't--though this was the highest number of people I've read to yet), and tables that I eventually encouraged people to fill with drinks, preferably alcoholic ones, not because alcohol was necessary for them to enjoy the reading but because we were at a ga'damn cafe and you cannot just sit there without buying anything. Willingly, they complied.
Although the reading went well(next copy to be sold is 36/75), and my friends were receptive, it is painful for me to say that The Poor House remains in destitution. In LA now, funds have run considerably low, even past our means I'm afraid. We are not beggars over here, but neither are we prideful folks. Though one could say that we do pride ourselves in being "humble"--sort of. In any case, we have no shame in saying this: funds for The Poor House's Reading and Drinking in Slow-Motion Tour have finally dwindled down so far as to justify the previous use of the word, "destitution," making it nearly impossible to continue without the support of our "fans"; if you are in a position that allows you to do so, we would be extremely grateful for donations in small or large amounts that can be sent via paypal--they can be sent to: benjaminjane[at]gmail.com. Or, just buy a copy of the First Edition Mock-Up of "In Full Bloom" for $10, along with $2 for shipping, and a copy will be promptly mailed.
Thank you everyone for everything--ever.
Benjamin Font
I.
Monterey("[the] bad habit, [the] memory, [the] nightmare"--my old, loving transfiguration of that famous "Row") is a place where, by accident, by the sheer probability of small town circumstance, you will see everyone you do or don't want to, like the inadvertent conjuring of ghosts in the pillow-laid head of a person nearing sleep. This trip was no exception to that statement.
In spite of a certain book(the one quoted above), which was considered offensive by many of my friends and family members at the time of its "release"(can you say that about self-published [adjective for the style/subject matter of my then work?), I was received well in Monterey. My arrival came with an Easter basket and several pitchers of mimosas(a tasteful omission is being made here of a revelatory talk of which the end result, I'd like to think, was the soothing of "family matters" and a heightened sense of kinship--aye, best pal?) and my departure with a bag full of goodies that kept my blood sugar steady on my train ride to LA.
In between these delicious treats, though, there was the path from Pacific Grove(where I was staying) and Monterey, which served as the collision course for imminent meetings of Person 1(a good, old friend who I had not spoken to for some time, yet immediately fell in step with to the nearest bar for beers and catching up), Person 2(an encounter I was dreading--for good reason; it made me feel like hell to recall certain casual observations made of them(without good reason I sometimes think) in the past--but who called my name amiably, hugged me, and bade me farewell with a "god bless you, and peace be with you"), and Person 3(a staple "sighting" in the town of Monterey, and a person who I was surprised to have not seen more of--a great guy). Then there was the sushi restaurant where I saw Person 4(who I am always happy to see, and who prepared--he's the sushi chef at the restaurant--and paid for a wonderful meal, which I would like to formally thank him for), and, of course, the old haunt at East Village Cafe where I, of course, again, ran into Persons 5-12(all of which were expected and pleasant--no, better than pleasant, "better than expected": right and good).
Fittingly, yes, I showed up in Monterey with very little announcement and I saw everyone; we had a good time, we enjoyed ourselves.
II.
With that in consideration, it came as no surprise to me that the reading at East Village was attended and books were sold. The folks there, being that they were friends of mine, set aside the lounge area for me with seats that I probably would not fill(and didn't--though this was the highest number of people I've read to yet), and tables that I eventually encouraged people to fill with drinks, preferably alcoholic ones, not because alcohol was necessary for them to enjoy the reading but because we were at a ga'damn cafe and you cannot just sit there without buying anything. Willingly, they complied.
Although the reading went well(next copy to be sold is 36/75), and my friends were receptive, it is painful for me to say that The Poor House remains in destitution. In LA now, funds have run considerably low, even past our means I'm afraid. We are not beggars over here, but neither are we prideful folks. Though one could say that we do pride ourselves in being "humble"--sort of. In any case, we have no shame in saying this: funds for The Poor House's Reading and Drinking in Slow-Motion Tour have finally dwindled down so far as to justify the previous use of the word, "destitution," making it nearly impossible to continue without the support of our "fans"; if you are in a position that allows you to do so, we would be extremely grateful for donations in small or large amounts that can be sent via paypal--they can be sent to: benjaminjane[at]gmail.com. Or, just buy a copy of the First Edition Mock-Up of "In Full Bloom" for $10, along with $2 for shipping, and a copy will be promptly mailed.
Thank you everyone for everything--ever.
Benjamin Font
Monday, April 5, 2010
En Route No. 2
Paying no heed to particular details of travel, having--very quietly--a conversation while in motion from Oakland to Monterey, Ca.
"Forgive me, Hills. I have had impure thoughts about you. Forgive me for these thoughts and for speaking openly about them[see: "En Route No. 1(part two)"]. I was just so glad to see you again--my emotions got the better of me."
"I am feeling very sentimental today; I see you, Hills, and my hands grow cold, my palms sweaty. There is a big knot growing in my stomach. I am so happy, Hills, yet my happiness is an extremely sad one--I am just slightly broken-hearted. You see, I have left someone, again. Why are we always leaving someone? And how long must we be away from them?"
"It was over two years ago that I met this person I am at present leaving, Hills, not too far from where you sit, so perfectly still, like squatting zen giants, back on your hams in contemplation. You do not move so much. You never leave anyone, do you; people are always leaving you, aren't they. How do you feel, Hills? Is there anything you would like to talk to me about? I will give you a moment here to form a response."
"Yes, of course; you have always been the silent type. But in spite of your silence, for so it is by appearances, I think I have an idea of what you're feeling, which is most likely akin to the feeling that a certain someone is feeling about me having left. Would it be out of line to use the word "abandonment"? I am not worried about getting out of line anyway, for I, in "reality," began out of line--my only desire is to get back in. Hopefully I have not gone so far astray as to impose restrictions on my attempt to get back in--what hell that would be."
"But as I say this, Hills, I see--and remember--that you still have the cows; and these cows-- passing on from generation to generation, only leaving by way of body to kitchen table, not spirit if there is one--these cows will never actually leave you. I wish I were more like those cows, Hills. I wish I were not always leaving someone, something. The other day, pretending to be in a fairytale country, though actually in an empty lot in suburbia, I ate a yellow wildflower(don't think about the name), and chewed it up into a bright mush--then I spit it out. I could not swallow the flower. I am not a beast. Why can I not be a beast? I miss you, Hills."
*Next reading:*
Wednesday, 7 April. 6.30 pm.
East Village Coffee Lounge - Featured
498 Washington St., Monterey, Ca.
(followed by the "Rubber Chicken Poetry Slam")
Hope to see you there. Or at least someone. That someone.
Happy belated Easter.
Benjamin Font
"Forgive me, Hills. I have had impure thoughts about you. Forgive me for these thoughts and for speaking openly about them[see: "En Route No. 1(part two)"]. I was just so glad to see you again--my emotions got the better of me."
"I am feeling very sentimental today; I see you, Hills, and my hands grow cold, my palms sweaty. There is a big knot growing in my stomach. I am so happy, Hills, yet my happiness is an extremely sad one--I am just slightly broken-hearted. You see, I have left someone, again. Why are we always leaving someone? And how long must we be away from them?"
"It was over two years ago that I met this person I am at present leaving, Hills, not too far from where you sit, so perfectly still, like squatting zen giants, back on your hams in contemplation. You do not move so much. You never leave anyone, do you; people are always leaving you, aren't they. How do you feel, Hills? Is there anything you would like to talk to me about? I will give you a moment here to form a response."
"Yes, of course; you have always been the silent type. But in spite of your silence, for so it is by appearances, I think I have an idea of what you're feeling, which is most likely akin to the feeling that a certain someone is feeling about me having left. Would it be out of line to use the word "abandonment"? I am not worried about getting out of line anyway, for I, in "reality," began out of line--my only desire is to get back in. Hopefully I have not gone so far astray as to impose restrictions on my attempt to get back in--what hell that would be."
"But as I say this, Hills, I see--and remember--that you still have the cows; and these cows-- passing on from generation to generation, only leaving by way of body to kitchen table, not spirit if there is one--these cows will never actually leave you. I wish I were more like those cows, Hills. I wish I were not always leaving someone, something. The other day, pretending to be in a fairytale country, though actually in an empty lot in suburbia, I ate a yellow wildflower(don't think about the name), and chewed it up into a bright mush--then I spit it out. I could not swallow the flower. I am not a beast. Why can I not be a beast? I miss you, Hills."
*Next reading:*
Wednesday, 7 April. 6.30 pm.
East Village Coffee Lounge - Featured
498 Washington St., Monterey, Ca.
(followed by the "Rubber Chicken Poetry Slam")
Hope to see you there. Or at least someone. That someone.
Happy belated Easter.
Benjamin Font
Second Reading, Side-Step the Drinking
It is never a good sign when the proprietor--an old, smiling Chinaman--of the cafe you had arranged to read at does not remember who you are, or why you are standing in front of him; nor is it a very good sign that one must walk through the kitchen to get to the bathroom. I was no one that night--my first in San Francisco--and I piss a lot. It is bad for business when the chef's hands get too cold because of a spectral presence; and the typical customer is wary of the place if it has a haunted bathroom--so perhaps the impression I got from the Chinaman of being unwelcome at his place was grounded.
In any case, that first night in San Francisco I read to two old friends, a Chinaman who could not even see me, and half a dozen folks with bright white hair, "spectacles," and big bellies. The Chinaman, being that he could not see me, also could not hear me; my friends liked what I had to say--but friends are usually good in that way; and then there was one old man--just after the reading, though before I had stepped down from the dim limelight--there was this one old man who decided to challenge me to a literary pissing contest.
Old Man: "Every time you say 'Mr. Bloom,' I can't help but laugh; you know there's a 'Mr. Bloom' in James Joyce's 'Ulysses,' don't you--have you ever read James Joyce's 'Ulysses'--huh?"
I do piss a lot--and enjoy the feeling of letting out a good, long piss--but this kind of pissing did not interest me. I understand you're familiar with a classic--do you want to mention its name again? Talk about the author? Maybe you would also like to make mention of Proust? Tell me about how Joyce and Proust never met, and tell me what it would have been like had they met? Or maybe you would like to have "Nabokov" on your tongue--"Lolita" in particular would certainly be appropriate.
None of that was said. Instead, Me(to the Old Man): "The 'Mr. Bloom' in my story is more of a pop-culture reference than literary--but thank you for adding that [unnecessary] dimension to it."
Old Man: "Oh, you're welcome."
Second night in San Francisco was an open mic, mostly music. The coordinator and host, a very nice woman named Pat, worked me in while the room was full. Only had four minutes to read. I announced, "I am [who I am], and I am not a musician," then got on with the two selections I chose to read, appropriately, from my book, "Songs: I Can't Sing." These folks took it well; these folks were good folks, even though none of them gave any financial aid to The Poor House. Not a single book sold. The house is still broke, a mess. Bills are piling up. There's a good chance they will not get paid, goddamn.
In any case, that first night in San Francisco I read to two old friends, a Chinaman who could not even see me, and half a dozen folks with bright white hair, "spectacles," and big bellies. The Chinaman, being that he could not see me, also could not hear me; my friends liked what I had to say--but friends are usually good in that way; and then there was one old man--just after the reading, though before I had stepped down from the dim limelight--there was this one old man who decided to challenge me to a literary pissing contest.
Old Man: "Every time you say 'Mr. Bloom,' I can't help but laugh; you know there's a 'Mr. Bloom' in James Joyce's 'Ulysses,' don't you--have you ever read James Joyce's 'Ulysses'--huh?"
I do piss a lot--and enjoy the feeling of letting out a good, long piss--but this kind of pissing did not interest me. I understand you're familiar with a classic--do you want to mention its name again? Talk about the author? Maybe you would also like to make mention of Proust? Tell me about how Joyce and Proust never met, and tell me what it would have been like had they met? Or maybe you would like to have "Nabokov" on your tongue--"Lolita" in particular would certainly be appropriate.
None of that was said. Instead, Me(to the Old Man): "The 'Mr. Bloom' in my story is more of a pop-culture reference than literary--but thank you for adding that [unnecessary] dimension to it."
Old Man: "Oh, you're welcome."
Second night in San Francisco was an open mic, mostly music. The coordinator and host, a very nice woman named Pat, worked me in while the room was full. Only had four minutes to read. I announced, "I am [who I am], and I am not a musician," then got on with the two selections I chose to read, appropriately, from my book, "Songs: I Can't Sing." These folks took it well; these folks were good folks, even though none of them gave any financial aid to The Poor House. Not a single book sold. The house is still broke, a mess. Bills are piling up. There's a good chance they will not get paid, goddamn.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Now is "later--later!"
As concerning some of the time spent in an empty apartment in Oakland, Ca. after the success of "operation keys," which involved a two and a half mile walk from the train station with a heavy suitcase, a heavy attache case, and an inconvenient and awkward box--the weight of which resulted in a sore neck/back, bruised shoulders, and the length of which, the walk I mean, resulted in a giant blister on the left heel--and following to a "T" these instructions: "When you get to [the] place on [Certain] St., the first building on the left, you will see, to the side of the main front entrance, a garden. Take the stairs down into the garden and find a toilet with plants pouring out of it. There is a seashell below it...lift it up--keys."
I am considering putting everything I write within quotations, in order to acknowledge that anything I say has already been said by someone, somewhere, and at some time. If it were not for the fact that such a task seems extremely tiring, I would certainly do so. I am, however, quite lazy when it comes to such matters, so I will ask you, reader--if you exist; you must exist--to please imagine the quotations are there, though invisible, from here on out; no, rather from the beginning of this paragraph, forward.*
Having made that statement(again, and again, and so on), I will also say that the acknowledgment of such does not hinder my desire to continue to speak, to tell stories, to repeat, repeat. In fact, I am somewhat encouraged by it because a) anything I say can be attributed to someone else, therefore largely freeing me of the personal responsibility which comes with "individual thinking" and creative license, and b) if I am compelled to reiterate things said repeatedly through the ages, then there is clearly a timeless quality to whatever I say, even if it appears minute or trivial on the surface--a fine notion that I am more than willing to believe in.**
Moving on, as always.
On to the relation of a short anecdote that occurred in the very garden where "operation keys" was completed, wherein I made my first meaningful connection in Oakland--a squirrel. I was sitting in this garden, mulling over nothing in particular, simply enjoying the day and moment for what they were, and a squirrel appeared in the tree behind me. I turned to face him, and found that he was staring at me. He was somewhat upright, holding in his mouth a peanut, shell and all, turning it over and over presumably to lick off the salt and continuing to stare all the while. I said hello, and stared back. The squirrel put a tiny hand to his chest--and this "hand" was most definitely that of a human--as if to say, "Are you addressing me, sir?" I laughed at his gesture, because we were the only two people in the garden and it was obvious already that I was addressing him. He went back to turning the peanut over in his mouth like an old cowboy with a toothpick.
As the mutual stare was prolonged, I recalled a night where a homeless man had shook my hand for fifteen minutes, without once letting go, while making these small sounds, like "spiritual" moans, telling me, "Ah--oh my...your eyes...Ah--oh my...your eyes...there's something about you...." Of course, I had previously given the man $5, making him then, I suppose, some sort of prostitute of the ego, as he had been paid to say those things for my "benefit." Back in the garden, I wondered if the squirrel might want something from me as well. But squirrels do not smoke--I know that; and to my knowledge, squirrels are not particularly fond of apple juice(was on my last glass at this point); and a squirrel would definitely not find much use for "any part of a dollar." So he must have wanted nothing more from me than the return of the stare, a silent meeting of eyes to express a basic "hello" or "thank you" or whatever, because we both existed in this world and we both seemed to be happy with that fact.
Just then a young man in dark sunglasses strode by, frightening the squirrel into a very strange looking hopscotch out of the tree and across the top of the fence along the garden perimeter--gone; the man continued up the sidewalk towards the garden, and I scurried back inside of the apartment, empty and alone. I peaked out the kitchen window to see if the squirrel had returned; in the squirrel's place was the same man who had frightened the squirrel away, and whose presence had caused me to lose interest in remaining in the garden. He was sitting in the exact chair which I had sat, and the garden didn't look as pretty to me anymore. I walked away from the window.
Enjoy,
Benjamin Font
***Excerpt from a work in progress called, "I Am No One," subtitled, "an imaginary memoir."
I am considering putting everything I write within quotations, in order to acknowledge that anything I say has already been said by someone, somewhere, and at some time. If it were not for the fact that such a task seems extremely tiring, I would certainly do so. I am, however, quite lazy when it comes to such matters, so I will ask you, reader--if you exist; you must exist--to please imagine the quotations are there, though invisible, from here on out; no, rather from the beginning of this paragraph, forward.*
Having made that statement(again, and again, and so on), I will also say that the acknowledgment of such does not hinder my desire to continue to speak, to tell stories, to repeat, repeat. In fact, I am somewhat encouraged by it because a) anything I say can be attributed to someone else, therefore largely freeing me of the personal responsibility which comes with "individual thinking" and creative license, and b) if I am compelled to reiterate things said repeatedly through the ages, then there is clearly a timeless quality to whatever I say, even if it appears minute or trivial on the surface--a fine notion that I am more than willing to believe in.**
Moving on, as always.
On to the relation of a short anecdote that occurred in the very garden where "operation keys" was completed, wherein I made my first meaningful connection in Oakland--a squirrel. I was sitting in this garden, mulling over nothing in particular, simply enjoying the day and moment for what they were, and a squirrel appeared in the tree behind me. I turned to face him, and found that he was staring at me. He was somewhat upright, holding in his mouth a peanut, shell and all, turning it over and over presumably to lick off the salt and continuing to stare all the while. I said hello, and stared back. The squirrel put a tiny hand to his chest--and this "hand" was most definitely that of a human--as if to say, "Are you addressing me, sir?" I laughed at his gesture, because we were the only two people in the garden and it was obvious already that I was addressing him. He went back to turning the peanut over in his mouth like an old cowboy with a toothpick.
As the mutual stare was prolonged, I recalled a night where a homeless man had shook my hand for fifteen minutes, without once letting go, while making these small sounds, like "spiritual" moans, telling me, "Ah--oh my...your eyes...Ah--oh my...your eyes...there's something about you...." Of course, I had previously given the man $5, making him then, I suppose, some sort of prostitute of the ego, as he had been paid to say those things for my "benefit." Back in the garden, I wondered if the squirrel might want something from me as well. But squirrels do not smoke--I know that; and to my knowledge, squirrels are not particularly fond of apple juice(was on my last glass at this point); and a squirrel would definitely not find much use for "any part of a dollar." So he must have wanted nothing more from me than the return of the stare, a silent meeting of eyes to express a basic "hello" or "thank you" or whatever, because we both existed in this world and we both seemed to be happy with that fact.
Just then a young man in dark sunglasses strode by, frightening the squirrel into a very strange looking hopscotch out of the tree and across the top of the fence along the garden perimeter--gone; the man continued up the sidewalk towards the garden, and I scurried back inside of the apartment, empty and alone. I peaked out the kitchen window to see if the squirrel had returned; in the squirrel's place was the same man who had frightened the squirrel away, and whose presence had caused me to lose interest in remaining in the garden. He was sitting in the exact chair which I had sat, and the garden didn't look as pretty to me anymore. I walked away from the window.
Enjoy,
Benjamin Font
***Excerpt from a work in progress called, "I Am No One," subtitled, "an imaginary memoir."
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
En Route No. 1(part two)
Suddenly nature communicated(and more about this later--later!), sweeping through the parlor car after all the bluedawn yawns were worked out completely and everything -one was coming to life. I was dreaming about fucking that hillside--had forgotten how soft they were in California, forgotten their folds like those on the behinds of big beautiful women!, like those shaping their breasts, like those creasing the tight skin covering their ribcages; had forgotten the subtle, palatable changes depending on the time of day and weather.
And then the trees were talking, one with that slouched over, hangdog expression of his, watching his pal, old Pink, vomit into a river all bent over; another, singlehandedly, was an entire funeral procession, with his branches pulled tightly inward, his chest-trunk sunken in almost, and gnarled so much that the already deep greens deepened further until black.
Hovering over water--I looked down in the shimmery backwash, and below the bridge I saw my brother; he had crumpled up his body like a drunk or a scaregull, ass on cement structure protruding above the water's surface, back against some rotting wood posts. On second look, it was not my brother--it was a life preserver.
Gathering closer, the train bent up ahead rounding the curve; humps of earth popped up from nowhere, topped with the down of cute green kittens; and off shore there's tha tankers!; and it was low tide so I, personally, could see 100,000 rubber car-tires in dispose, sticking in the mud.
And, of course, entering slowly then into the cloud, the growing heaviness in atmosphere, the parlor car darkening with the dream, the world of all those ghosts, obscure and well-known.
I'm amazed if anyone had the patience--aside from myself--to read this; and, to be frank, I did not actually have the patience to read it even, I simply jotted it down here and there, and typed it up mindlessly, wishing I had more apple juice. So, soon again,
Benjamin Font
To look forward to: the reading tomorrow at 5pm, Sacred Grounds Cafe, San Francisco; and, "later--later!"
And then the trees were talking, one with that slouched over, hangdog expression of his, watching his pal, old Pink, vomit into a river all bent over; another, singlehandedly, was an entire funeral procession, with his branches pulled tightly inward, his chest-trunk sunken in almost, and gnarled so much that the already deep greens deepened further until black.
Hovering over water--I looked down in the shimmery backwash, and below the bridge I saw my brother; he had crumpled up his body like a drunk or a scaregull, ass on cement structure protruding above the water's surface, back against some rotting wood posts. On second look, it was not my brother--it was a life preserver.
Gathering closer, the train bent up ahead rounding the curve; humps of earth popped up from nowhere, topped with the down of cute green kittens; and off shore there's tha tankers!; and it was low tide so I, personally, could see 100,000 rubber car-tires in dispose, sticking in the mud.
And, of course, entering slowly then into the cloud, the growing heaviness in atmosphere, the parlor car darkening with the dream, the world of all those ghosts, obscure and well-known.
I'm amazed if anyone had the patience--aside from myself--to read this; and, to be frank, I did not actually have the patience to read it even, I simply jotted it down here and there, and typed it up mindlessly, wishing I had more apple juice. So, soon again,
Benjamin Font
To look forward to: the reading tomorrow at 5pm, Sacred Grounds Cafe, San Francisco; and, "later--later!"
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